I must have done something truly horrible to deserve the past week or so of my life.
I have a nurse come to my house twice a day to give me the antibiotics..I think I mentioned that...and besides the fact that it stings like all hell, makes me itch unless I get an infusion of benadryl which literally feels like acid and has to be prefaced by an ice-pack sitting on my arm, there's also the added discomfort of the infection barely reacting to the heavy-duty antibiotics, and OH YEAH- the drug is fucking with everything from my digestive system to my sleeping habits to my thermoregulation- sweats, shivers, nightmares...
It's not even worth it. I'd almost rather die of MRSA.
Oh, did I mention that because I'm "only" getting the vancomycin for ten days, my doctor decided NOT to give me a pic line, but a peripheral line. This means the needle and catheter are in my arm, or my hand, or my wrist..well, all of the above because my veins are so intolerant that EVERY fucking line we start gives out on me in the matter of two or three days, so I currently have SEVEN, count 'em, 7 needle sticks in my arm.
Once the line gets clogged, it leaves a nasty bruise and triggers an inflammatory reaction so that the area becomes swollen and red and numb. I have dealt with this. Seven times over. There is only one remaining spot on my arm where it's not so swollen that we can start a new IV (which we'll have to today).
It's in my hand, which I'm dreading, because the last time we even attempted to start a hand line I was in tears because it hurt. So. Fucking. Bad. And then it moves and aches when I'm teaching or tutoring, which I've actually had to cancel twice because of my fever spiking more than once (which makes no sense...)and it's embarassing and I have to cover it up with this cotton fucking sleeve thingy in goddamn 90 plus degrees with humidity so bad I'm sweating even without the thing on.
And I haven't been able to run, swim, or rollerblade in over a week because if I sweat into it it can...get this...get infected.
Fucking A.
And I've been shut-off and out of the life of someone I care about. Which I keep trying to convince myself is minor, because I have my own life here, and my own friends, and my own future. But when I can't even turn on the FUCKING radio without some stupid song coming on that freakishly keeps following me (see title of entry), it reminds me that rejection on this scale smarts no matter how far away I run or how I swear to myself that it's "for the best."
But other than that. Enlistment's going well. I'm teaching and tutoring quite a bit, and slowly climbing out of debt, the weather is nice when it's not shitty, and I'm averaging 2 books per week. And I've been getting hit on a lot. So at least I know I don't look like complete shit, even if it's how I feel. Bleh. My arms are killing me and my fever's 101, so I think I'll go nap now.
24 June 2008
IVs and Awkwardly Long Hugs
Wellll this has been interesting...
Some thoughts- the idea of a New Year, turning over a 'new leaf' and making resolutions, all of that tomfoolery I don't really buy into that occurs on Jan 1st every year-- it's kind of off schedule. I mean, unless you were brought into the world on Jan 1st, your new year isn't really then... of course chronologically speaking it's the day the new calendar begins, but in terms of each individual's life, the start of your New Year is your birthday.
I am now on my 22nd year, and so this is my New Year. And I'm really embracing it this time, because this one is mine alone (well... not totally alone, I know, but stay with me.) I've started Dance classes as my birthday gift to myself, it's cool 'cause they're close to my job and have a flexible schedule. I'm surprisingly coordinated and feel lighter on my feet already (mostly just in my head, but I like to think I look gracefull, lol) I'm having so much fun, and it breaks the monotony of my workout routines. Speaking of which, I have to stop swimming for 2 weeks because my "New Year" started off to a less-than-desirable start. :(
My fever spiked and I had to go to a specialist in infectious diseases (an "ID Doc" if you will, the specialty I'm interested in,) because the medications I've been on weren't fighting my infection well enough. They decided they needed to give me IV vancomyocin, which is the BIG GUN in the fight against MRSA (what I regrettably recently found out was the cause of this whole mess, it's a good thing I insisted on a culture!) So NOW I have an IV line in my right arm for the next 10 days and a Nurse has to come to my house twice a day to give me the medication.
And today, during the first infusion I was like "Oh, I'll be fine, I never get any side effects..." Sure enough, right as the infusion wrapped up, I got this horrible redness and flushing all the way from my abdomen up my neck and face! I felt like I was being attacked by tiny ants under my skin and I burned everywhere and turned bright red...so THEN they had to shoot me up with IV benadryl, and lemme tell ya, that shit packs a PUNCH. I was woozy and acting really high, apparently. But I had this awesome Nurse Kim, and she sat with me while we talked about how much we loved our Microbiology classes in college and also had an awesome conversation on the development of drug resistant bugs around the world. There was some malaria discussion in there as well, and the doctor (who gave me more than one awkwardly long hug, over by like 2 seconds- hence the title of this entry) joined in. So all in all it was pretty cool, and just reaffirmed my decision on Med School.
More on that later- but suffice to say that I'm on the right track, be it a roundabout one. It involves enlistment, but I'm really excited about it! I can only teach (and have this much time on my hands) for so long before I get antsy and, for fear of stagnation, get back on the course I'm passionate about. Can't wait for boot camp, to be perfectly honest.
Aaand most everything else is going smoothly. Making friends down here is easy, but I've stuck mostly to Catrina, Karla, Jesse and Brooke because they've been there through everything (and know how to have fun.) I suppose I am really enjoying being home and reading books and visiting my old haunts, mainly the Barnes and Noble across the street (where a manager I know gives me his employee discount on the books I buy-shweeet!), the movie theater, and some local sushi bars. Mmm. Sushi.
Until next time...read this book: Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart by Dr. Gordon Livingston. I finished it, it's awesome, and I'm now on My Sister's Keeper, which I heard was great.
And to those of you who e-mailed me, I really appreciate the encouragement. :P
Ciao Bella!
Some thoughts- the idea of a New Year, turning over a 'new leaf' and making resolutions, all of that tomfoolery I don't really buy into that occurs on Jan 1st every year-- it's kind of off schedule. I mean, unless you were brought into the world on Jan 1st, your new year isn't really then... of course chronologically speaking it's the day the new calendar begins, but in terms of each individual's life, the start of your New Year is your birthday.
I am now on my 22nd year, and so this is my New Year. And I'm really embracing it this time, because this one is mine alone (well... not totally alone, I know, but stay with me.) I've started Dance classes as my birthday gift to myself, it's cool 'cause they're close to my job and have a flexible schedule. I'm surprisingly coordinated and feel lighter on my feet already (mostly just in my head, but I like to think I look gracefull, lol) I'm having so much fun, and it breaks the monotony of my workout routines. Speaking of which, I have to stop swimming for 2 weeks because my "New Year" started off to a less-than-desirable start. :(
My fever spiked and I had to go to a specialist in infectious diseases (an "ID Doc" if you will, the specialty I'm interested in,) because the medications I've been on weren't fighting my infection well enough. They decided they needed to give me IV vancomyocin, which is the BIG GUN in the fight against MRSA (what I regrettably recently found out was the cause of this whole mess, it's a good thing I insisted on a culture!) So NOW I have an IV line in my right arm for the next 10 days and a Nurse has to come to my house twice a day to give me the medication.
And today, during the first infusion I was like "Oh, I'll be fine, I never get any side effects..." Sure enough, right as the infusion wrapped up, I got this horrible redness and flushing all the way from my abdomen up my neck and face! I felt like I was being attacked by tiny ants under my skin and I burned everywhere and turned bright red...so THEN they had to shoot me up with IV benadryl, and lemme tell ya, that shit packs a PUNCH. I was woozy and acting really high, apparently. But I had this awesome Nurse Kim, and she sat with me while we talked about how much we loved our Microbiology classes in college and also had an awesome conversation on the development of drug resistant bugs around the world. There was some malaria discussion in there as well, and the doctor (who gave me more than one awkwardly long hug, over by like 2 seconds- hence the title of this entry) joined in. So all in all it was pretty cool, and just reaffirmed my decision on Med School.
More on that later- but suffice to say that I'm on the right track, be it a roundabout one. It involves enlistment, but I'm really excited about it! I can only teach (and have this much time on my hands) for so long before I get antsy and, for fear of stagnation, get back on the course I'm passionate about. Can't wait for boot camp, to be perfectly honest.
Aaand most everything else is going smoothly. Making friends down here is easy, but I've stuck mostly to Catrina, Karla, Jesse and Brooke because they've been there through everything (and know how to have fun.) I suppose I am really enjoying being home and reading books and visiting my old haunts, mainly the Barnes and Noble across the street (where a manager I know gives me his employee discount on the books I buy-shweeet!), the movie theater, and some local sushi bars. Mmm. Sushi.
Until next time...read this book: Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart by Dr. Gordon Livingston. I finished it, it's awesome, and I'm now on My Sister's Keeper, which I heard was great.
And to those of you who e-mailed me, I really appreciate the encouragement. :P
Ciao Bella!
15 June 2008
Pshaw.
I am totally screwed up.
On another note, I hate songs that have sirens or police sounds in them because if they come on the radio whilst I'm driving, I get that rush of adrenaline and the sinking feeling that accompanies being pulled over and cited for speeding/ doing lines of coke off my dash board (which is REALLY difficult while multitasking with driving!) Upon realizing the frightening noises are coming from my stereo, I get angry at the song.
More later. :)
On another note, I hate songs that have sirens or police sounds in them because if they come on the radio whilst I'm driving, I get that rush of adrenaline and the sinking feeling that accompanies being pulled over and cited for speeding/ doing lines of coke off my dash board (which is REALLY difficult while multitasking with driving!) Upon realizing the frightening noises are coming from my stereo, I get angry at the song.
More later. :)
04 June 2008
No Mayo, Please
I was in Blockbuster today renting an action movie for my uncle to watch when I heard a movie clip with a young actress saying this line... "I hate being smart."
Well, I call bullshit on her character. Not her, as it was just a line she was reciting, but her character... yeah that's bullshit.
No one who is smart truly hates being smart. We love it. I mean, the occasional bitching about how other people are dumb, and how annoying it is, and how seeing and hearing and processing things from a smart point of view makes the future seem desolate when surrounded by so much idiocy- and even sometimes the angry claim that "ignorance is bliss" are to be expected. But that is simply out of sadness that you can't find a guy who knows how to pronounce "feta" cheese or the meaning of the word "existentialist" ...or from frustration that your sandwich was made incorrectly ("How hard is it to NOT include mayo? I specifically asked for no mayo. Twice.") It doesn't reflect how smart people truly feel about being smart.
It offers a wide range of perks. Feeling mean? Great. Be condescending to a person you just met at a bar who seems to think they know what they're taking about when it comes to gas prices- but have no idea what prospecting is or how it affects the price per barrel of oil. This little trick can be used in a wide array of situations and on a multitude of subjects- and you'll probably come out feeling much better about yourself after making somone else look/feel like a total ass. You can forget your own problems for a while. :)
Get into a tiff or argument with some asshole? This could be after a minor traffic accident, at a strip club, or- again, in a social situation where there's a disagreement and you are clearly right- just start using the best selection from your vocabulary (in the correct context, now, there may be other smarties near by! You know we love to eavesdrop)- and make sure the words are polysyllabic and obscure!- and you can smart your way right to the high-road of glory by confusing your opponent.
Oh, and just so you know, the truth is you probably asked for no mayo in a rather impolite way because you're sooo smart (and thus better than everybody, right?) and so you came off as a condenscending asshole to the poor sanwich girl behind the counter (use the condescention only when it's absolutely needed!)- who just so happens to also be smart (and is paying her way through Dartmouth College with that job, damnit!) and so she wanted to teach you a subtle lesson involving an extra 200 mayo calories.
Just sayin'.
But I like mayo. :)
OH! And I have an awesome male mockingbird out front of my house and his territory is in the nearest tree-- I get to hear his melodic and varied song everytime I go outside...it's like being Snow White!
Only no Evil Queen. (Unless you include the mean gay guy who lives down the street.)
Well, I call bullshit on her character. Not her, as it was just a line she was reciting, but her character... yeah that's bullshit.
No one who is smart truly hates being smart. We love it. I mean, the occasional bitching about how other people are dumb, and how annoying it is, and how seeing and hearing and processing things from a smart point of view makes the future seem desolate when surrounded by so much idiocy- and even sometimes the angry claim that "ignorance is bliss" are to be expected. But that is simply out of sadness that you can't find a guy who knows how to pronounce "feta" cheese or the meaning of the word "existentialist" ...or from frustration that your sandwich was made incorrectly ("How hard is it to NOT include mayo? I specifically asked for no mayo. Twice.") It doesn't reflect how smart people truly feel about being smart.
It offers a wide range of perks. Feeling mean? Great. Be condescending to a person you just met at a bar who seems to think they know what they're taking about when it comes to gas prices- but have no idea what prospecting is or how it affects the price per barrel of oil. This little trick can be used in a wide array of situations and on a multitude of subjects- and you'll probably come out feeling much better about yourself after making somone else look/feel like a total ass. You can forget your own problems for a while. :)
Get into a tiff or argument with some asshole? This could be after a minor traffic accident, at a strip club, or- again, in a social situation where there's a disagreement and you are clearly right- just start using the best selection from your vocabulary (in the correct context, now, there may be other smarties near by! You know we love to eavesdrop)- and make sure the words are polysyllabic and obscure!- and you can smart your way right to the high-road of glory by confusing your opponent.
Oh, and just so you know, the truth is you probably asked for no mayo in a rather impolite way because you're sooo smart (and thus better than everybody, right?) and so you came off as a condenscending asshole to the poor sanwich girl behind the counter (use the condescention only when it's absolutely needed!)- who just so happens to also be smart (and is paying her way through Dartmouth College with that job, damnit!) and so she wanted to teach you a subtle lesson involving an extra 200 mayo calories.
Just sayin'.
But I like mayo. :)
OH! And I have an awesome male mockingbird out front of my house and his territory is in the nearest tree-- I get to hear his melodic and varied song everytime I go outside...it's like being Snow White!
Only no Evil Queen. (Unless you include the mean gay guy who lives down the street.)
01 June 2008
Yay!
So. Getting back into shape.
Harder than I expected. And I don't mean the running so much as I thought I would... I mean everything else. Yeah my legs aren't nearly as solid and toned as they were when I played Rugby- but that is on it's way. I combine running and calisthenics with some physical therapy exercises to rehab my left knee (which is apparently still an ongoing thing!), but when it comes to doing pushups like I used to-- WOW.
Man that shit goes fast. And it's hard to regain!
Looks like wile I have the free time I'm gonna have to turn it up and actually add in weight lifting again. Only this time I'm attempting to avoid bulk- so that means less weight, more repetitions and a LOT more cardio work. Getting a membership at the Aquatic center helped- I can use their gym AND start swimming as much as I used to. I'm also considering a membership at the indoor rock climbing gym- but I won't commit to that until I'm sure I'll go often.
One thing is for sure- I reallly missed this. :)
Pics updated!
Harder than I expected. And I don't mean the running so much as I thought I would... I mean everything else. Yeah my legs aren't nearly as solid and toned as they were when I played Rugby- but that is on it's way. I combine running and calisthenics with some physical therapy exercises to rehab my left knee (which is apparently still an ongoing thing!), but when it comes to doing pushups like I used to-- WOW.
Man that shit goes fast. And it's hard to regain!
Looks like wile I have the free time I'm gonna have to turn it up and actually add in weight lifting again. Only this time I'm attempting to avoid bulk- so that means less weight, more repetitions and a LOT more cardio work. Getting a membership at the Aquatic center helped- I can use their gym AND start swimming as much as I used to. I'm also considering a membership at the indoor rock climbing gym- but I won't commit to that until I'm sure I'll go often.
One thing is for sure- I reallly missed this. :)
Pics updated!
29 May 2008
Keep rollin'
My purse eats things.
I've realized it's much easier to downsize purses when going out. Because if I don't...mine will inevitably eat things, and then I can't find my cell phone/grocery list/earring/pen when I need it most. Ah, well.
I'm having fun! I'm being productive again. I'm learning the intracacies of my Blackberry. And... I'm going out. Yes, the traditional recluse is going out regularly. Seeing Karla and Brooke in Orlando, but also coming home and going out with Catrina and my cousing Jesse (whom I LOVE). And I'm really enjoying it...which is totally odd for me.
So we went to Round Up, (which is a sweet bar by the way, freakin' AWESOME) where I started out just scoping the place out and making fun of blatant douchebags/bad dancers/odd people... but ended up meeting a really cool guy, and arranging to learn line dancing on Sunday so I can actually do the dances when I go to Round Up in the future...
Sweet!! I'm so excited! Line dancing and dating again! I have a date. Tomorrow. And I'm excited. And I'm going back to work. And I'm running again. And I'm tan. And I'm branching out my wine expreiences. Haha...
And woo. :P
Check out my pics, each pic on the side links to one of my albums... I'll update them as often as I deem necessary. Ciao Bella!
I've realized it's much easier to downsize purses when going out. Because if I don't...mine will inevitably eat things, and then I can't find my cell phone/grocery list/earring/pen when I need it most. Ah, well.
I'm having fun! I'm being productive again. I'm learning the intracacies of my Blackberry. And... I'm going out. Yes, the traditional recluse is going out regularly. Seeing Karla and Brooke in Orlando, but also coming home and going out with Catrina and my cousing Jesse (whom I LOVE). And I'm really enjoying it...which is totally odd for me.
So we went to Round Up, (which is a sweet bar by the way, freakin' AWESOME) where I started out just scoping the place out and making fun of blatant douchebags/bad dancers/odd people... but ended up meeting a really cool guy, and arranging to learn line dancing on Sunday so I can actually do the dances when I go to Round Up in the future...
Sweet!! I'm so excited! Line dancing and dating again! I have a date. Tomorrow. And I'm excited. And I'm going back to work. And I'm running again. And I'm tan. And I'm branching out my wine expreiences. Haha...
And woo. :P
Check out my pics, each pic on the side links to one of my albums... I'll update them as often as I deem necessary. Ciao Bella!
19 May 2008
Where Doubt and Fear Are Not
Well tis time to begin updating regularly, I think. Graduated college. Finally. On my own now, for a while at least, and trying to figure out if I'll be enlisting in the Air Force here shortly or going for a Naval Officer slot...
Suffice to say that in regards to my Air Force commission, I made some very bad decisions, either in action or in my confession of the action... and that "disenrolled" is a nice way of saying "kicked out." And yet the few months of freedom which lie ahead of me are welcome, despite the two-sides-of-the-coin feeling I'm getting from it.
Funny how I spent most of my Norwich years sabotaging myself, pushing the Air Force Detachment to their limit, and severely underachieving as a cadet... and now here I stand, a civilian (what my actions would say I subconsciously supposedly wanted)- and all I'm trying to do is get back in. The military lifestyle is all I've really wanted since I was 14, and all I've known for at least the past 4 years-
Haha! And now I can't handle the lack of structure out here. It frightens me, that I might become a waste of space, living off of my mother's hospitality...leaving dishes behind like I did in high school.
Ecccchhhh. The horror.
So. Workout routines. I can do those. Beach trips, surfing again. I can do that (good for you AND fun!) Working for Kaplan. Also fun for me, especially now that I'm in sunny weather! I'm trying to enjoy some time off, while keeping in mind that too much time off would be detrimental.
Just enough, and then back to it. I can't hold still.
And finally, I'm beginning to understand what people mean about being indoctrinated into "real life" after the protective blankets of college are turned down. My blankets, for the record, were not down. They were wool. Itchy, woven-steel-like wool, the kind that neither warm you immediately nor breathe sufficiently, so you're always stuck in one extreme of sweating your ass off or freeing-- but enough on Norwich. It's over.
I'm moving on. :)
Keep one, still, secret spot
Where dreams may go,
And sheltered so
May thrive and grow-
Where doubt and fear are not.
Suffice to say that in regards to my Air Force commission, I made some very bad decisions, either in action or in my confession of the action... and that "disenrolled" is a nice way of saying "kicked out." And yet the few months of freedom which lie ahead of me are welcome, despite the two-sides-of-the-coin feeling I'm getting from it.
Funny how I spent most of my Norwich years sabotaging myself, pushing the Air Force Detachment to their limit, and severely underachieving as a cadet... and now here I stand, a civilian (what my actions would say I subconsciously supposedly wanted)- and all I'm trying to do is get back in. The military lifestyle is all I've really wanted since I was 14, and all I've known for at least the past 4 years-
Haha! And now I can't handle the lack of structure out here. It frightens me, that I might become a waste of space, living off of my mother's hospitality...leaving dishes behind like I did in high school.
Ecccchhhh. The horror.
So. Workout routines. I can do those. Beach trips, surfing again. I can do that (good for you AND fun!) Working for Kaplan. Also fun for me, especially now that I'm in sunny weather! I'm trying to enjoy some time off, while keeping in mind that too much time off would be detrimental.
Just enough, and then back to it. I can't hold still.
And finally, I'm beginning to understand what people mean about being indoctrinated into "real life" after the protective blankets of college are turned down. My blankets, for the record, were not down. They were wool. Itchy, woven-steel-like wool, the kind that neither warm you immediately nor breathe sufficiently, so you're always stuck in one extreme of sweating your ass off or freeing-- but enough on Norwich. It's over.
I'm moving on. :)
Keep one, still, secret spot
Where dreams may go,
And sheltered so
May thrive and grow-
Where doubt and fear are not.
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