Where Doubt and Fear Are Not

Well tis time to begin updating regularly, I think. Graduated college. Finally. On my own now, for a while at least, and trying to figure out if I'll be enlisting in the Air Force here shortly or going for a Naval Officer slot...
Suffice to say that in regards to my Air Force commission, I made some very bad decisions, either in action or in my confession of the action... and that "disenrolled" is a nice way of saying "kicked out." And yet the few months of freedom which lie ahead of me are welcome, despite the two-sides-of-the-coin feeling I'm getting from it.
Funny how I spent most of my Norwich years sabotaging myself, pushing the Air Force Detachment to their limit, and severely underachieving as a cadet... and now here I stand, a civilian (what my actions would say I subconsciously supposedly wanted)- and all I'm trying to do is get back in. The military lifestyle is all I've really wanted since I was 14, and all I've known for at least the past 4 years-
Haha! And now I can't handle the lack of structure out here. It frightens me, that I might become a waste of space, living off of my mother's hospitality...leaving dishes behind like I did in high school.
Ecccchhhh. The horror.
So. Workout routines. I can do those. Beach trips, surfing again. I can do that (good for you AND fun!) Working for Kaplan. Also fun for me, especially now that I'm in sunny weather! I'm trying to enjoy some time off, while keeping in mind that too much time off would be detrimental.
Just enough, and then back to it. I can't hold still.
And finally, I'm beginning to understand what people mean about being indoctrinated into "real life" after the protective blankets of college are turned down. My blankets, for the record, were not down. They were wool. Itchy, woven-steel-like wool, the kind that neither warm you immediately nor breathe sufficiently, so you're always stuck in one extreme of sweating your ass off or freeing-- but enough on Norwich. It's over.
I'm moving on. :)

Keep one, still, secret spot
Where dreams may go,
And sheltered so
May thrive and grow-
Where doubt and fear are not.