No Mayo, Please

I was in Blockbuster today renting an action movie for my uncle to watch when I heard a movie clip with a young actress saying this line... "I hate being smart."

Well, I call bullshit on her character. Not her, as it was just a line she was reciting, but her character... yeah that's bullshit.

No one who is smart truly hates being smart. We love it. I mean, the occasional bitching about how other people are dumb, and how annoying it is, and how seeing and hearing and processing things from a smart point of view makes the future seem desolate when surrounded by so much idiocy- and even sometimes the angry claim that "ignorance is bliss" are to be expected. But that is simply out of sadness that you can't find a guy who knows how to pronounce "feta" cheese or the meaning of the word "existentialist" ...or from frustration that your sandwich was made incorrectly ("How hard is it to NOT include mayo? I specifically asked for no mayo. Twice.") It doesn't reflect how smart people truly feel about being smart.

It offers a wide range of perks. Feeling mean? Great. Be condescending to a person you just met at a bar who seems to think they know what they're taking about when it comes to gas prices- but have no idea what prospecting is or how it affects the price per barrel of oil. This little trick can be used in a wide array of situations and on a multitude of subjects- and you'll probably come out feeling much better about yourself after making somone else look/feel like a total ass. You can forget your own problems for a while. :)

Get into a tiff or argument with some asshole? This could be after a minor traffic accident, at a strip club, or- again, in a social situation where there's a disagreement and you are clearly right- just start using the best selection from your vocabulary (in the correct context, now, there may be other smarties near by! You know we love to eavesdrop)- and make sure the words are polysyllabic and obscure!- and you can smart your way right to the high-road of glory by confusing your opponent.



Oh, and just so you know, the truth is you probably asked for no mayo in a rather impolite way because you're sooo smart (and thus better than everybody, right?) and so you came off as a condenscending asshole to the poor sanwich girl behind the counter (use the condescention only when it's absolutely needed!)- who just so happens to also be smart (and is paying her way through Dartmouth College with that job, damnit!) and so she wanted to teach you a subtle lesson involving an extra 200 mayo calories.

Just sayin'.

But I like mayo. :)

OH! And I have an awesome male mockingbird out front of my house and his territory is in the nearest tree-- I get to hear his melodic and varied song everytime I go outside...it's like being Snow White!
Only no Evil Queen. (Unless you include the mean gay guy who lives down the street.)